"Each time someone close to me dies, it reminds me to appreciate the life of those around me. I’ve told my wife at least 3 times today that I’m glad she’s alive. I’ll probably say it a few more times before I go to sleep tonight. I will probably tell her I love her a few times also. And the kids. I tell them everyday, but it seems more meaningful today."

SO very true....it's why I never let any of my kids, or my husband, leave the house or hang up the phone, without hearing me say "I love you". Just in case something happens before I see them again, I want to know that the last words they heard from me were positive and loving, you know?

The truth is that it happens to every living thing that grows on the earth, so it seems like it should be “normal”. Why does it seem so abnormal?


Because we get so wrapped up in our own 'self' that we can't and don't see any further than the end of our noses. Us older (?!) folks always accuse teenagers of having delusions of invincibility, but as far as death is concerned I think we're all guilty of the same thing. I know I am. I have been made very aware in the past year of my own mortality - I had a head on collision in my jeep with a semi last fall. I should have been killed...obviously I wasn't.

We don't embrace death as a normal part of life. With all the advances in medicine, technology and nutrition we're pushing the life expectancy of the average person further and further out. Things that would have killed us 50 years ago, even 5 or 10 years ago, are now treatable and survivable, which all adds, IMO, to the feeling of invincibility we have created for ourselves.

Its funny how you look at different cultures and they approach death, some embrace it, some grieve. I believe that life is cyclical, whereas Christian's believe once someone is gone, they are gone for good!

My father was a Christian, technically I still am... but my dad is not sitting on some cloud watching over us from heaven, he is with me every single day of my life, Whilst death is something that i would not find agreeable if it happened to any of my dearest friends or relatives, i believe I can accept it more than most, I have prepared myself with the belief that their Spirit will always live on, and this is just a stage that is over with the embodied spirit.

They only way to prepare for death is to live. We have no control over death - and if you worry about it, death controls you.

BAM!!!

he is with me every single day of my life,

that is exactly how I feel about loved ones who have passed away.

Tractormansavestheday: I'm very sorry for your loss. I was once given the Storyteller's Creed, which I am now passing on to you. I hope if can offer you some of the support that I gleaned from it.

I believe...
...that Imagination is stronger than Knowledge.
...that Myth is more potent than History.
...that Dreams are more powerful than Facts.
...that Hope always triumphs over Experience.
...that Laughter is the only cure for Grief.

And I believe that Love is stronger than Death.

You can never tell anyone that you appreciate them often enough. I wish I had taken the opportunity to do so with my father before he had died.

Because we get so wrapped up in our own 'self' that we can't and don't see any further than the end of our noses. Us older (?!) folks always accuse teenagers of having delusions of invincibility, but as far as death is concerned I think we're all guilty of the same thing. I know I am. I have been made very aware in the past year of my own mortality - I had a head on collision in my jeep with a semi last fall. I should have been killed...obviously I wasn't.

very true Dharma. Glad you're still with us.

Tractorman

My Mother in law just passed..Jan.7 04. She was 40. We had "expected" it for over 3 years, but it was still unexpected at the same time. She was gravely ill with Hep. C. Liver tranplant went well and then everything just took a deadly turn. It was an emotional rollercoaster. There were a lot of times we thought she was getting better and then she'd get really bad again. The last year we started to realize that her body was giving up on her. No matter how much time we had, it was still hard.
We were 6 hours away when she passed. But we know, she knew we loved her. We told her every day that we would talk to her.
You can never prepare yourself. Never. It takes time.

Best wishes to you. Life is a cycle.
There is only so many times you can here I'm sorry....but I am.

Its funny how you look at different cultures and they approach death, some embrace it, some grieve. I believe that life is cyclical, whereas Christian's believe once someone is gone, they are gone for good!

I wouldn't see it that way as a Christian, unless perhaps my defenitions are different. I see death as an entry to another part of life--sort of like going over the border. I believe that our spirit lives on, our bodies just house what the true essense of ourselves is. How much those who have gone before us are around and aware of what we are doing now? I don't know. In Hebrews it talks about us being surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses from the past. I'm not sure how literal that imagery is, I tend to think very.

The real pain in death to those left alive is the loss of relationship on a daily basis. There is a hole at every point in your life where that person previously interacted. There's no way to call them and hear their voice, no way to feel thier arms around you. I feel like death is an amazing thing if the tenets of the Christian faith are true (which I believe they are), because one goes to be with their creator, redeemer . That's comforting, BUT the hole remains while we live on this earth.

Thanks Shades.

Tractorman

I don't exactly know how one prepares for the unexpected death of a loved one. I know that I, from personal experience, can't recall a time when I had forgotten that I know that life can be gone as quickly as a passing car on the highway. I believe that when something like this happens, it's not to hurt you or make you afraid of dying or anything like that; it's more to drive home the point that humans are not invincible and whatever deity or entity controlling our everyday lives and actions decides to take your life away, will you be able to say "I lived a good life."

I don't mean good as in morally, but in the sense that you enjoyed your life. You have to wonder if these people who suddenly up and die were happy when they passed on, but that's something we won't know until we die ourselves.

I don't think you can prepare for the death of a loved one.

Even if you know the risk of it coming... even if you know there's such a huge chance, a possibility, even a probability, you never know how much it hurts until you're completely enveloped in the pain.

You can never appreciate someone enough until they're gone. I know that's true. No matter how many times I've told myself after the death of someone close to me, "This time I will let them know I love them very much, let them know they're important to me" I realize after the next death, I still have not said goodbye, or I love you, enough times.

The truth is, there is never enough times to say goodbye, or I love you, to someone you will never see again.

Maybe you should never stop saying good bye, or I love you, until you can say it to their faces again.

Maybe that's the best way to let someone go... never let them go.

~Anne

PS. Sorry if that wasn't totally relevant to your blog. It was kind of a momentary epiphany I got while writing. Might as well share it, right?

~Anne

The real pain in death to those left alive is the loss of relationship on a daily basis

And that's exactly why we mourn and grieve. It's sort of selfish, now that I think about it.

I also think that it's a lesson in impermanence and that we don't like to be reminded that nothing lasts forever.

"I had a head on collision in my jeep with a semi last fall. I should have been killed...obviously I wasn't."

I didn't hear about that.

~Dan

PS. Sorry if that wasn't totally relevant to your blog. It was kind of a momentary epiphany I got while writing. Might as well share it, right?

I thought it was totally relevant. Feel free to have epiphanys on my blog anytime.

I also think that it's a lesson in impermanence and that we don't like to be reminded that nothing lasts forever.

I kindof agree with that dharma, but at the moment or crisis and grief, I think we're too wrapped up in the pain to be thinking much about that reminder.

tractorman

"I had a head on collision in my jeep with a semi last fall. I should have been killed...obviously I wasn't." I didn't hear about that.

Yes, it was Oct 30th. I was heading back from town on the interstate at around noon and it had just started to snow. I had slowed down to about 55 and hit a patch of black ice on an overpass, causing the back end of my Cherokee to slide out. I knew that if I went off the edge of the overpass I'd be killed, so I tried to steer towards the median hoping that the grass would slow me down. Instead, it threw me into a spin, and I ended up facing oncoming traffic. I'll never forget the sight of the front end of that truck coming towards me. I had an "oh shit" moment where I knew it was going to hit me, and I knew it was going to be loud and that it would hurt...that the best and only thing I could do was just hang on to the steering wheel and my truck as hard as I could.....next thing I know I'm hearing the sound of screeching tires and I'm sitting in the median again. I looked down, saw that my airbag had deployed, looked for my cell phone, unbuckled, kicked the door open, got out, realized I had peed my pants (the force of the impact had caused the seatbelt to almost rupture my bladder), and called 911 to have someone come help me. Then I called Dave. I told him I had wrecked the truck, that it was bad, that it hurt me to breathe and that I didn't know if I'd be able to talk to him later so I wanted him to know how much I loved him, and that he was my one and my only. Then I sat and waited for rescue to get there. I thought I was going to die. I felt faint, I knew I was injured, and I thought I had probably either punctured a lung or ruptured my aorta and would bleed out before the medics ever got to me. I thought that I was going to die on an interstate in South Dakota, away from my husband and my children, alone. I remember a van load of people stopping and them covering me up with their coats and praying over me, then a car carrying a local rescue squad on their way home from a class stopped and I got assistance less than 7 mins after the impact. See, I'm crying now just thinking about it, and I'm not really sure why. Anyway, I got blue-lighted to the hospital where the doctor told me that had I not had an airbag, I'd have been killed. All of my injuries were caused by the seatbelt. Had I been driving a smaller vehicle, I'd have been killed. He said he couldn't understand how I WASN'T killed. I broke 7 ribs, my collar bone, my shoulder blade, tore ligaments in my neck, dislocated my shoulders, and had cardiac and pulmonary contusions. I was lucky, really lucky.

So, as a result I'm very aware of my own mortality.

Sorry for trolling up your blog, T-Man.