Through a number of difficult situations over the last several years, I have had an epiphany: Love really IS the answer.
Twenty two years ago, I became a Christian. My life had been very difficult and I found myself with no where to look but UP—that was a turning point in my life. Then, I was indoctrinated, and never having had a “normal” experience of relationships in life, I soaked it up like a sponge, like my young children do life.
Then came trying to put everything in to practice and after about 15 years, I began to realize there were BIG holes in my understanding and in myself personally. Things that were buried alive in me that seemed to continue to drive me.
I came to a point where I couldn’t hide anymore and I said to God, “if you are who you say you are, I know that you can heal me, here is who I really am”. I suppose that God, (assuming there is) already knew who I really was and was patiently waiting for me to find out. Interesting, I assumed surprise and rejection by this God that I had been taught was loving and kind. Why did I think that?
Perhaps it was because of something in me that felt unworthy, but I think equally as influential was the experience I had in the Christian community, otherwise known as the church. Love is as conditional in the church as it is outside the church. After we receive what seems to be a one time free gift (Jesus) we are shuffled into a dysfunctional family system that lets us know that unless we “fly right” we will not be accepted. This is a familiar pattern to many of us and we know what we need to do to survive: Look good, learn the lingo, develop the habits, don’t talk about any inconsistencies and for heaven’s sake, hang around with the “right” people (non sinners). AND you will please God.
I can’t think of anything more destructive than communicating that our dysfunction is somehow sanctioned by God.
Anyway, instead of rejection and abandonment (the kind that I was actually experiencing from some of my church family) I found great love and acceptance by God. It was amazing, bizarre, constant and unlike anything I had ever experienced. God used this time to speak deeply and personally to me about the tender hearted grace and mercy he had toward me, about my value and beauty (YES BEAUTY) to him and not only that but it seemed that spontaneously or divinely orchestrated (I’m not sure) God used unusual sources to punctuate what he was telling me. It was a life changing experience.
The epiphany was the result of this. All of a sudden I saw people through new eyes. I was challenged to rethink many of the christian ideas I had come to accept. I had a great deal of love for people outside of the church, those persecuted by the church (you know who you are). I realized that the only way for me to live congruently was to put into action the kind of boundless love I had received, thus casting me in a liberal light. I now know that God is not a republican, nor is he the God of the Christians but he is the God of the world and is pursuing each and every person with the intent of communicating their unique value and beauty and there is NOTHING that is more important to him than that.
To get on board with God, we must take the love and grace we have received (you can’t give away what you don’t have) and return in to others free of charge-ever, just as it is presented to us. Jesus (God’s representation on earth) loved the unlovable, did the unthinkable, and spurned the religious leaders of the day for their hypocritical (say one thing, do another) lives. No wonder he only left 2 commands: Love God and love others.
They are a pursuit to last a lifetime.
-Joan of Arc